Another week and another story about why men can’t find the right relationship and the substantial decline in relationships for people in their twenties.  A lot of the confusion comes from the source of data:  online dating apps.

I appreciate that it’s easy to gather online dating data. Still, by their admission, they’re leaving out more than half the US relationship population (Pew Research).

For the rest of us, there’s a substantial divide in the understanding of what a relationship should be and what role a man and woman play in that relationship.

A quote from writer Cathy Reisenwitz says a lot in general about this divide:

Men are still socialized, by and large, for a world that no longer exists.

To be blunt: this is nonsense.

Changes

Has the relationship world changed?  Yes.  It’s always evolving.

But the root of what makes a man a man and a woman a woman has not changed.

When comparing my generation to my grandfather’s, women, thankfully, no longer need to be in a relationship to be financially secure.

What has changed is like men, women no longer need to be in a long-term relationship for companionship or sex.

But those changes, and future ones, don’t change how we’re programmed from birth to be men.

Time and Money

Essentially men and women are now on equal footing.  Speaking on behalf of men, and I suspect many women, what’s happening is that people in my generation are giving up on the idea of a traditional romantic relationship and instead applying business analysis to a relationship.  Specifically, what is the return, as measured in “fun,” for my investment in time and money?

There are many options that my grandfather never dreamed of that appear to have a much higher fun quotient than trying to meet women and start a relationship.

1. The web.
2. Gaming.
3. Virtual meetups on our phones.

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4 Ways to Find the Right Relationship

1. Determine What You Want:  Want something casual?  Apps are for you–you can stop reading now.  Want something much more in-depth?  Just like anything worthwhile, you must dedicate the time to meeting women in the real world (IRL).
2. Romance: For men, who by definition are interested in in-depth relationships, recognize that who you fundamentally are hasn’t changed for tens of thousands of years and isn’t going to change in your lifetime.  Most men don’t want it to change.  Look for women who love men.  But also recognize that the reason why she loves men isn’t any longer for the artificial financial and emotional needs of the past.  She needs you for the same reason you’ll need her:  because you’re romantically interested in each other and are there for each other through the good and bad times.  This used to be called “marriage” but you can call it whatever you’d like as long as you recognize what you both want.
   
3. The Test: The very first time you meet her IRL, do you find that the time you’re together has flown by and you want to see her again?  If the answer is “yes” you’ve found a woman who is worth your time.  If the answer is “no,” do yourselves both a favor and end it immediately.
4. Create Your Own Future:  If you’ve found the right woman, then what has changed in relationships is the focus on creating something together as equals.  You should find this idea fun to both think about and to be a part of.  If not, you’ve either misjudged the woman and she’s not right for you or you’ve misjudged yourself and you’re just looking for something casual.

Have a question or a different viewpoint?  Have your say on my social media.